Forever alone

I found out a cute new guy at work has a gf and it infuriated me. It just seems like every decent guy is taken and there aren’t any decent men left. I understand it’s the apocalypse and it would make sense there aren’t any decent ones left but it’s depressing nonetheless. I’ve accepted the possibility that I’ll never have children but I may never even get married 😢 it’s sad. I’ve just been enjoying my life regardless. If it’s my destiny to be alone, whatever. I’ve tried to stay optimistic but optimism only gets you so far in this type of world before reality eventually beats you down into a cynic.

The last few weeks I’ve been wondering what the point of everything is. Like why am I even here? So many people know nothing of what’s really happening here on earth and they go on to live fulfilling lives, while those of us who are aware of the darkness can never seem to get a shot at any kind of “normalcy”. Just makes you wonder. It just seems so pointless.

Don’t get me wrong, even though I’m alone, I’m actually VERY happy most days. It’s just those moments when I see other people in relationships and getting married and having babies and buying houses and living the “dream”, it makes a small part of me want to take the blue pill and go back to sleep and back into the matrix. It sucks.

I see the trouble brewing. Everyday it gets closer and closer and I have to rethink my plans. But it’s a lonely life being someone who is aware of the commonly-unknown. We wander the world alone, feeling like outsiders, seen as alien wherever we go. Our thoughts are understood and accepted by none. And once you begin to seek this knowledge there is no turning back. It becomes an insatiable hunger to know it all and to be empowered by that knowledge. But it really does turn you into something else, something that sticks out like a sore-thumb amongst the sleeping masses.

Moments like these just remind me – yes I am forever alone. I was born alone and I’ll die alone. But my journey is one that is my own and my own alone. At least I’ll always have God, so I’m never truly alone.

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