New Role

I started a new role at my company and it has been a nice change. My hope is to get a permanent position, everything is up in the air though. It’s an exciting time for me right now but a frightening time as well because nothing is certain. I’m happy I have a few more months at my company nonetheless. Towards the end of this contract I’ll have to manage to apply to multiple places and try to get my foot in the door at several places while simultaneously trying to get a position at my current place. It’s nerve wracking but I’ve been in this situation before- this time around, though, I have more experience 😊

Things are officially over between Mr.Trainer and I. I made fun of him for being mean to me and he told me he didn’t want to speak to me anymore, which basically proved my point πŸ™„

I’ve been too busy and too excited to be upset about it. Of course it hurt – I’m human – but I’m more focused on making myself happy and achieving my goals than dude.

I’ll admit it though, I still tarot-stalk him from time to time 😜 I know, it’s silly. It’s kinda fun, though and honestly I like the feeling of being obsessed over a guy. People might say it’s not the healthiest but he’s just as obsessed with me as I am about him. I get the feeling he talked about me a lot to his work buddies – I just get a vibe. I don’t stalk him in real life or cross any boundaries. I leave him alone.

According to the cards he feels bad for cutting ties with me and he was deeply, deeply saddened when I told him I was leaving my old position. I thought I was leaving the company so he thought it was goodbye and the cards always showed he was devastated.

We both played our parts in this mess- I don’t claim to be innocent. I played games too but mainly because I didn’t want to get hurt. Both of us were trying to avoid getting too attached or getting hurt and both happened.. so it is what it is. According to the cards he was sad, then angry at me and now he’s regretful for how he treated me and even though he’s trying his best to avoid/fight off/deny his feelings for me- they’re breaking through and he’s still in love with me. He’s a scorpio and they tend to hurt the ones they care about and hurt themselves at the same time when they feel they’ve been slighted. I’m glad he’s suffering because he was mean, but I do have compassion for him. It seems like things are on the outs with his gf and that has nothing to do with me- they were having issues before I met him.

So whatever- if he wants to apologize and show some humility I might think about forgiveness but he seems too egotistical for that. In a few months I’ll know if I’m sticking around or not, so if its meant to happen I won’t ever see him again and won’t have to worry about running into him at work.

Regardless, I would like to stay. It’s in the Lord’s hands.

I’m not sure what this connection was between he and I, probably a past life because it was so unexplainably intense..

who knows..

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