2016 was a pretty crappy year for most, if not EVERYONE that I know, including myself.
There were deaths, loss, divorces, financial problems, just a lot of sucky things that make life almost unbearable.
There’s an awesome video by pocketsofthefuture on youtube that discusses the purpose of these crappy things that I’ll share below and the spiritual connection to struggle and suffering.
This year wasn’t so great for me either. I’ve spent most of it separated from my love. There was a LOT of pain that had to be released and it has been FAR from easy.
One of the biggest things I have struggled with this year is FEAR. At this point in my journey, I have learned how destructive the emotion of fear is in our lives, yet many of our decisions are based on that emotion. Fear of not having enough food, so we stockpile. Fear of losing our job, so we save money. In reality, there is no real safety or protection against ANYTHING. Simply surviving is a matter of faith, everyday. I am learning slowly not to fear and to put my WHOLE faith in God. He has brought me THIS far and even though some aspects of my life SUCK pretty bad, it won’t be like this forever. I’ve been brainstorming and coming up with ideas to turn things around for myself. It’ll take time, but I think once I start changing some things, life will improve for me.
I’ve struggled a long time trying to find my “right” path in life. I’m praying on it, though and I feel God’s presence and His patience with me.
I still love my twin very much, I’ve just had to “remove” myself emotionally from the situation and focus on myself. I’m never sure what’s going to happen with him. I try not to dwell too much on our past memories cuz it’s too painful wishing we could have those moments back. It just pulls me into a sad state of mind that I’m trying to avoid.
These days I am planning my future as if I’ll spend it on my own. I probably won’t, but I have certain dreams that I want to accomplish on my own, like getting a home and raising a foster child if I am unable to have my own biological child. Life goes on, regardless- it has to. I HAVE to stay positive and KEEP MY HEAD UP and not lose hope in God and myself. God is THE only certainty I have in this world.
Like I said, I do love my twin, but I can only depend on God and myself.
I have a feeling in my gut that things will get better for me and for all of us in 2017. That doesn’t mean that bad stuff won’t happen cuz it does, but I honestly think 2017 will be a lighter year in terms of energy. Everything goes in cycles. I’m due for some relief 😀
Be safe and take care