Healing Work

This is a three day weekend for me, and it is something I have been looking forward to for a while – my job doesn’t have many breaks, we only get the weekends off and a few holidays sprinkled in here and there, so I am EXTREMELY grateful for an extra day off.

I have been “going through it” with all of this twin flame/spiritual/kundalini whatever you wanna call it ENERGY.. Having a LOT of push and pull with my twin – pushing him away with my ego false self and then pulling him back with my true self.. It’s exhausting and I am working to STOP it now.

My sweet twin flame is AMAZING for putting up with me and my “insanity.”  This experience has been tough and I honestly want things to get easier.  It is really all so simple – when I’m BALANCED, life is just so much easier to handle.  Problems are always going to be there, but I can HANDLE them better when I’m balanced.  I just feel healthier and happier overall when I’m in balance and I am working towards balance again in my life.

I was really trying hard to end things with my twin and cut him out of my life, but I really truly love him so much and I don’t know what we’re doing as far as our relationship goes, but I still love him more than anything and with all of my heart.  I don’t want to lose him.  It’s just hard trying to “define” what this is and trying to make it “fit” within the “normal” confines of a relationship, which really feels IMPOSSIBLE at this point.  I was starting to stop labeling what we are and I was doing pretty well for a while, but my energy got all messed up again.  It is a process, I’m sure things will get better with time.

I know something is going on with me because I have been SLEEPING SO MUCH!! And sometimes when I would sleep for like 12 hours I would wake up feeling gross and groggy, but lately I have been waking up after sleeping half the day away feeling refreshed and energized, like my body has needed it so badly. I think whenever I am feeling unbalanced and my ego starts to take over and I start to feel all icky and messed up inside and feel like blaming my poor twin, I’m just going to take a nap.  I was feeling EXTRA icky and gross and messed up yesterday and I was being mean to my twin so I just went to sleep.  Today I feel MUCH better and I wrote my twin an apology and I am going to just LEAVE HIM ALONE for a while.  I want to be a positive influence for him and come from a place of love and from my HIGHEST SELF and give him the space that he needs and deserves.  He deserves my love.  Even if we aren’t in contact, I am going to give him his space and send him encouraging love energy.  It has been a STRUGGLE these last months and I pray that things will ease up a little.  I pray that my love does his own energy work and healing to let go of his pain.  Last time I saw him he looked like he was in a LOT of pain and a lot of it is because of me 😦 Poor baby… He knows I love him, it has just been a struggle like I said.  There’s still hope that we can get through all of this, though.  Sometimes I feel my faith and hope diminishing and that is when everything goes to hell..

I was running from him and I was running from myself, avoiding the pain, avoiding the truth, avoiding my opportunities for healing.  My cats felt it too and my girl cat beat up my poor boy cat and she bit him badly on his chest and now he has a wound.  I was shaken and so upset, but I see my role in the situation.  I put my hands on my boy kitty and prayed over him and his wound is healing.  I’ve been cleaning it and keeping an eye on it and he is doing well.  I’ve been spending more time with them and they are happier.  I am realizing how my energy/being affects those around me, so it’s more important that I work on myself so I can send out and create as much love as I can.  I want to work from my heart as much as possible and let my ego be at rest more often.

I hope and pray that my twin flame love and I can both do our healing work and find ourselves closer and closer to each other.  The love between us is still strong, it has just been hurt by so much and now it’s time for us to heal that love.

Take care & God bless…

 

❤ ❤ ❤

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