I had a VERY productive weekend… I did my assignments for class, did my budget/financial breakdown and then spent the second half of today cleaning my ENTIRE apartment from top to bottom. I am tired but it is so WORTH it because my place looks so nice and clean now. I have this gardenia soap that I use to wash everything – my dishes, the kitchen and the bathroom sink and tub and the soap just makes everything smell SOOOOO heavenly. It’s lovely and it is my new obsession.. When I get the nerve I am going to buy this gardenia lotion that I saw on amazon.. It’s a bit pricey for some lotion so I am going to wait.. I scrubbed the hell out of my bathtub and to reward myself I am about to take a nice lavender chamomile bubble bath… It’s just what I need on this cold, overcast wintery day. I got two HUGE pumpkins and I spent yesterday chopping up one of them into chunks for storing and cooking. It was a LOT of work but it’ll be worth it. I’ve been looking up pumpkin recipes and I am excited to implement pumpkin into my cooking.
Staying busy and keeping up with my household duties helps me cope with the separation between my twin flame love and I.. I am used to spending a lot of my time alone now and I LOVE my place… I feel very comfortable and happy here, especially after a cleaning. I still have some straightening up/organizing to do but I’ve done enough today..
This morning I had a dream – I think it may have been another visitation dream from my love – and in it he was SOOOOOOOO excited to see me, it felt like the days when we FIRST got together, the excitement and exhilaration we would feel whenever we would see each other and he picked me up and carried me to his car as I laughed at his excitement… He had that sweet energy and warmth that I just LOVE and ADORE about him.. My sweet love… and we spent some time together (in the dream world). It was nice and everything seemed normal and then all of a sudden he was a CHILD version of himself, talking and laughing with me and being childlike and free and innocent. It was weird and I was like COME ON… WTF.. But I understand that dreams are symbolic and that each symbol has a meaning. I think it may have meant that he is gaining or he is seeking to gain the innocence and purity that he once had and STILL has inside. That innocence and purity comes out when we are together in our most pure, innocent moments of twin flame love and I know he has felt it and maybe that is something that has scared him a little because he thought he was so “corrupted” by his past and by the world, but when we are together in our pure love moments he is like an angel and gives me the most innocent expressions of love. That is when he is my sweet angel love baby… I think maybe the dream meant that he is missing being a sweet angel love baby for me and I know I miss that aspect of our relationship too.. As the holidays get closer I am feeling it more and more and I WANT TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS with him.. I feel so nostalgic and I have the underlying feeling of joy in my heart, no matter what I am doing these days.. SUCH a difference from October..
The most important thing is that my love visited me and was so happy to see me, so I’m HOPING and PRAYING that we will reunite soon. I still pray for him every night and I have been talking to him lately, not in the physical but just when I’m alone I will try to visualize him and I will speak out loud to him. Sometimes I hear him answer in my head, sometimes I feel a feeling and sometimes it just feels good to talk to him just because. The anger that I felt towards him has waned a lot.. I guess time really DOES heal wounds.. I have been working on my thoughts recently and I have been thinking about how I will be when he returns. I want to be happy when he arrives and I want to let go of the past and start fresh. It’s hard because there has been so much that I’ve been through with this twin flame situation however I want to enjoy the time we have together and just be together with no fighting… We need that, we both do… I miss him so much… I wonder what he’s feeling, what he’s going through. I wonder if he wants to see me and touch me and hold me as much I want to do these things with him. I’m sure he does.. I understand he’s working hard and building a life for himself.. I just need to be around him. I miss our little dates and adventures so much. Even just lying beside him in bed while we watch movies brings me so much joy.. All I can do is just keep “doing my thing” and be confident and faithful and happy on my own and keep hoping and praying that we will be together soon.. I have been very happy on my own and I worry that I might be too used to not having him in my life.. 😦 It’s been so long.. I do enjoy my privacy and solitude, but I also miss him terribly. Life is so much better with him in it. I just want him to myself, without the drama and the watchful eyes of his family. I want us to just be together and enjoy each other’s company, cooking together, laughing together and being happy to be in each other’s presence..
I know he’ll come for me soon…. I love my sweet twin flame, my love of my life…